


I'm a man

by Kiromod



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Coming Out, Not Canon Compliant, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:13:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24176425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiromod/pseuds/Kiromod
Summary: "It feels like it's always been this way." he thought, grabbing his pillow a little more tightly. he had spent a good amount of time here, in his room, not far from his parents who were still in the bakery downstairs. He hoped he wasn't being too loud, what he had just explained, his feelings, his now-found identity, were things that he really wasn't ready to tell them right now, and there had been only one other person he felt confortable enought with to confide himself in.----A very self-indulgent Transmasc "Marinette" AU, I want it to be soft so there probably won't be too much Angst, hope you like it.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	I'm a man

"It feels like it's always been this way." he thought, grabbing his pillow a little more tightly. he had spent a good amount of time here, in his room, not far from his parents who were still in the bakery downstairs. He hoped he wasn't being too loud. What he had just explained, his feelings, his new-found identity, were things that he really wasn't ready to tell them right now, and there had been only one other person he felt comfortable enought with to confide himself in.  
  
Trying to forget about the idea of his parents knowing his secret, he kept going." It's as if it had always been there, in the back of my mind, but that I always decided to ignore it and look away." he dared giving a look to Tikki. She was still silent and had been ever since he asked her to listen to him about an important matter. The little Kwami was the only one that he felt like he could open up to right now. He trusted her, but still, he was terrified to come out to her. He couldn't help but imagine that her friend wasn't silent just to respect and listen to him before giving her own thoughts, but actually because she was disappointed.  
  
"I didn't have a problem with realising that I also liked girls, somehow it just seemed so normal. It just seemed like it really wasn't a big deal. But...that feeling...It's different. Somehow it just doesn't feel like the ones I love would ever be ok with that." He sighed trying to stay calm, it was really hard on him, but he already said too much to go back. " I don't want to be Marinette to everyone anymore. I want to be myself Tikki."  
  
Before he could even add anything else, he felt the Kwami fly to his shoulder and place one of her little hands on his cheek. It was a reassuring motion that he had grown quite accustomed to, but god was it helpful.   
  
"It's alright." Said the Kwami. " I may not have the words to help you or convey properly to you that what you feel is perfectly ok. But you have to know that it is, and I feel really happy and proud that you had the strength to open up about it Marin-"  
  
The kwami cut herself mid-sentence, she seemed to be thinking about something.  
  
"I assume that "Marinette" really isn't a fitting name for you anymore, huh ?" She smilled, giving him a reassuring glance. "Did you think of anything else ?"  
  
Anything else ?  
  
Oh my god.  
  
 _Oh my god._  
  
Tikki was asking him if he had already thought of a name !  
  
She really was ok with all of this ? He had a hard time believing the Kwami would get accustomed to such a change that quickly. But in a way that also made sense, Tikki had probably seen way stranger and harder to believe things during her long life.  
  
He took a deep breath, this felt like a special moment.   
  
Looking at the kwami, he said.  
  
"Martin." He smiled. "My name is Martin."

"Martin ? That's a really nice name I must say." the kwami let the smile on her face fade a bit before adding. "But I must ask, do you still feel like you can keep the role of Ladybug ?"  
  
"Oh of course ! I mean I'm just, a man." It felt so good to say it. "But, a man can still be the holder of the ladybug miraculous right ? Sure the suit feels a bit weird, but it really doesn't change much from what I feel in my everyday life."  
  
The Kwami nodded understandingly. " I'm sure we'll be able to do something about your suit. Maybe we could even do more, if you do not feel ready to be open about it in your everyday life, you could try to be a bit more yourself when you're doing your superhero duties !"  
  
Martin's eyes lit up at the thought. The idea of somehow being able to pass a bit more as man when he is ladybug sent a wave of new-found happiness right into his heart. However that was short-lived as he thought about the implications of what that would mean.  
  
"Every citizen of Paris would know about it though. Not only that....But Chat...he..."  
  
"He loves you, I'm sure he would understand."  
  
"No Tikki, he loves ladybug, and in his eyes ladybug is a woman. A-and even now, I would understand, I still...Well, look like a woman. I can't really pass at all."  
  
The words were a bit painful to say. Oh, not that Martin would think that Chat would not accept him. He didn't feel like his friend would be the type to be transphobic, or homophobic for that matter. But he was still afraid. What if it made things awkward between them ? Would it confuse Chat Noir's feelings ? Would he still sort of see his friend as a woman but be too kind to say anything about it ?  
  
"Martin." Tikki said, making the young boy stop his train of thought and look at her. " I'm sure it will be alright, but I will never force you to do anything. Though I have to ask, do you believe in your partner ?"  
  
Did he believe in Chat Noir ?  
  
Of course he did, they had saved the day together enough times to trust him with his own life at this point.  
  
And he had to believe, that his friend wouldn't ever ruin what they had, the bond they had, over this.  
  
"I do Tikki." The boy seemed to have some sort of new-found confidence. "I...I don't know if I'm ready to outright say it to him now, but I at least want to talk to him about it. I want to know what he would think."  
  
The kwami seemed proud. Martin also bimmed with pride. In a way everything was the same. His body was the same, his room was the same, his clothes, his life, the way people saw him, nothing was different.  
  
Yet.  
  
He wouldn't hide any longer. What he wanted now, was to chase his happiness.   
  
And it would start with tonight's patrol.  
  


\-------  
  
Ladybug and Chat Noir went through the very familiar roofs of Paris at a rather slow pace. The night was calm. Very calm. That wasn't that unusual though, and it was quite pleasant to be able to go out and patrol without having to deal with yet another giant baby.  
  
Well, seems like Martin wouldn't be able to use an Akuma attack as an excuse to avoid speaking to Chat Noir.  
  
They both stopped to take a short break on a particular roof, it was pretty high and gave them a nice view of the town. From there they could enjoy seeing the many lights of the city of Paris, clashing against the dark sky of the night. Chat noir sat at the edge of the roof, letting his feet dangle over the emptiness below. He seemed to be in a pretty good mood.  
  
God he hoped he wouldn't ruin that.  
  
"Chaton ?" Said Ladybug.  
  
His partner looked at him with a curious smile. "Yes my lady ?"  
  
"Do you mind if I ask you a few things ?"  
  
"Of course not ! I would looove a nice _chat_ with you bugaboo."  
  
The enthusiasm in his partner's voice brought a smile to his face. He really was something special.  
  
"I was wondering, you...love me right ?"  
  
The question did seem to take him by surprise for an instant. the hero seemed to give himself a second to think before answering.  
  
"Not really my lady. Actually my confession of love was just a joke, and I am happily married with three kids." He grinned. "Of course I love you."  
  
Ladybug faked an exagerated sigh of relief. "Thank god ! I don't think anyone should have to deal with being married to someone who makes puns like yours."  
  
"Hey ! My puns are Puuuurfect. True classics. They are a whole part of my identity." The cat hero said playfully.  
  
They both laughed at that. That was the kind of things Ladybug liked about Chat Noir. The way he always seemed to be able to make him smile even in stressful situations. He really didn't know if he could have managed being the "savior of Paris" without his dear friend by his side. No, without him, he probably would have already gone mad.  
  
The thought did make his smile disappear though, he really didn't want to lose that.  
  
"So ?" Said Chat. "Why was that for ?"  
  
"Oh well I was wondering. It's funny in fact !...I kinda thought about how...Well you know...." Oh come on Martin you could say it ! He's looking at you it's not the time to stutter. " Do you think you would have still loved me if I were a man ?"  
  
Oh god he said it.  
  
He was ready for THE uncomfortable silence of his life.  
  
"Hmm...Yeah probably." What ? " It's funny you say that actually ! I just realized recently that I can be in love with men as well !" Oh.  
  
Ladybug seemed slightly suprised, that was....Suprisingly easy. " You're bi ? " He asked.  
  
"Yeah I am ! I'm not really open about it to any of my friends though." The hero didn't seem too bothered about that statement, Ladybug could assume that he didn't tell them because he didn't feel like it, not because he was affraid of their reaction. At least that was a good thing. " How about you my lady ?"  
  
"Oh ! Hm...I'm pan. I don't really mind what's someone's gender as long as I love them."  
  
"Oooh, I see ! Do your friend know ?"  
  
Ladybug shook his head. " No I never told them, I'm waiting for the right time to do it." Speaking of right time to come out, he still wanted to reassure himself about Chat Noir's answer. "So...You wouldn't mind if I had been a man ?"  
  
"Not really ? I didn't fall in love with you because you're a lady, but because you're my lady." The hero smiled. " You're strong, you're brave, you're smart. You have a charm my puurr heart just couldn't resist." He said, dramaticaly putting a hand on his chest.  
  
Martin smiled, that huge dork, for a second he even wondered why he had been so stressed about asking that to Chat Noir.  
  
That's right, he really is his partner.  
  
His friend.  
  
He could trust him.  
  
"Chat ?"  
  
The blonde stopped being dramatic for a second and turned to face Ladybug. "Yes my lady ?"  
  
"I actually wanted to ask you about that, because I have something very important to tell you." He saw a sudden hint of concern in his friend's eyes. "W-well, not too important either ! It's important to me, but it's not something severe or anything like that."  
  
"Oh that's a relief ! So what is it about then ?"   
  
Oh god he was nervous. Martin was so freacking nervous. Come on now, you can do it.  
  
You can do it man.  
  
You got this.  
  
"Chat noir." The Ladybug hero took a deep breath, and, he said it, in the same way he found the strength to say his name for the first time. "I'm transgender. I may look a bit like a woman, but I'm actually a man."  
  
Ah there it was ! The silence. And it was uncomfortable.   
  
Martin couldn't bring himself to look at his partner just yet. Damn why did a coming out have to be so hard !

He did hear him getting up from the edge and coming closer to him. Was he upset ? Maybe he was. Maybe he-  
  
"Oh...My...God..."  
  
Chat noir put his hand on Ladybug's shoulder, leading the hero to look at his partner. He did seem actually really upset, that wasn't good. That wasn't good at all.  
  
"Bugaboo." Chat said. "I've been misgendering this whole time ?"  
  
Oh, that's what made him upset ?  
  
"Well...Sort of ? But it's fine ! I haven't been out with anyone so you couldn't know and- wait a second, you know about misgendering ?"  
  
"Y-yeah. My best friend at school is a trans man, so I got to learn a lot by talking to him." Chat didn't seem to be any less upset. " Oh my god I'm such an idiot. I kept calling you my lady ! I should have asked if you were ok with it."  
  
Knowing that his friend took the issue that seriously made him, incredibly suprised, but beyond that, incredibly happy. Still he couldn't let his friend be any more upset other this.  
  
"Kitten, it's fine." Ladybug reassured, returning Chat Noir's gesture by putting a hand on his shoulder. "I am beyond happy that you actually respect me for what I am. And...So relieved it happened so easily. I was so scarred you would be upset and-"  
  
"Can I hug you ?"  
  
Ladybug's face flushed red for a second" Wh-what ?"  
  
"I would never be upset over you being who you are, and I want to reassure you, but my friend told me that transgender people could feel very dysphoric over being held or touched, so I just make sure to ask."  
  
Martin's expression softened, he was being so considerate..." Of course kitten. Come here."  
  
They hugged each other. A strong but kind embrace. It felt amazing. Martin felt amazing. He really wasn't the type to cry easily, but the tears actually threatened to spill under the absolute joy and relief he was feeling, knowing that both Tikki and Chat had accepted him without a second thought.  
  
"What did I do to deserve you..." He whispered.  
  
"I could say the same bugaboo."   
  
Yeah, that felt pretty right, they made a pretty team after all.  
  
Chat noir softened the embrace, looking at his friend.  
  
"Are you still ok with being called ladybug though ? I wouldn't want to keep calling you by something you don't like..."  
  
Ladybug nodded, explaining to him a few points that he had discussed with the kwami beforehand. Wanting to keep "Ladybug" as a hero name. How he wanted to come out, how he couldn't pass as a civilian but still wanted to feel free when doing his duties, and the fear of having to come out to all of Paris as a result.  
  
"I don't feel ready to come out in front of everyone like that, I'm very...Tired." Coming out to two of the most important people in your life after years of denying your feelings would do that, yes. " But, I want to do it someday. I'm tired of ignoring what I feel, I just want to be myself."  
  
Chat Noir nodded, seeming to understand the situation his friend was in.  
  
" And I'll be here to support you." He added with a smile. "It's what a friend would do after all."  
  
The cat hero took a few steps backward.   
  
"Though, it is pretty late now, I believe it would be for the best if we both got some rest tonight."  
  
"Oh you're right" Said Ladybug with a sigh. "I am absolutely exhausted kitten, coming out feels so good, and yet it's so hard."  
  
"I think I can get that." Said the blonde, while jumping on a nearby roof. "To be honest I was terrified too, you are the first person I ever came out to as bi, my lord."  
  
...  
  
What ?  
  
"Ahah I know, it's maybe a bit too much ? I'll keep you updated on my new research for the most puurfect nickname for you."  
  
My lord ?  
  
"Well I should get going ! Sleep well Bugaboo."  
  
"Y-You too !" Said Ladybug as he saw his friend slowly disappearing in the distance.  
  
My lord.   
  
Yeah, My lord.  
  
Martin couldn't help but smile at the thought. It was just like his name. It felt good, it felt right.  
  
He was ok.  
  
He was accepted.  
  
He is a man.  
  
Slowly preparing to go back to his room for a few hours of sleep, he couldn't help but say it to himself one last time. Making sure it wasn't a dream.  
  
  
"I'm Martin. I am a man."  
  
And he was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> That is a first fic that I want to continue and make better as I keep writting on it, it's very much a reflect for both my love for the show and what makes me happy as a transgender man myself
> 
> It is very self indulgent so it won't be too great either, but I hope it can be a bit nice for at least someone other than me /


End file.
